Tales from the cube-farm: pt. 1

By belle💕beckford on March 11, 2014 • ( 4 Comments )

I really and truly enjoy going to work everyday.

It’s not the kind of thing you often hear people say, but I get to work with the most colorful personalities all the time. I feel like I’m in an episode of “The Office.”

Yes, I do want to farm off my children to other more even-tempered people to educate everyday, and let’s face it, my co-workers keep me entertained all the time.

We’re all on a project management team and each of us has our individual responsibilities. Let me introduce you to the cast of characters (names have been changed to protect myself – duh!):

1. The Hot Latina. I refer to her in this way because she is hot and she is Latina. There is no one at work, hands down, who dresses sexier than she does. And she has the body to go with it. We have similar backgrounds and are both around the same age. We’ve become fairly good friends. When we need to bitch and gripe, we can habla en español and hope that no one understands us. Favorite expression: “Dios mio!”

2. Fraggle. Oh God, what to say? Fraggle is a couple years older than me, single-with-boyfriend-no-kids, and still dreams of ponies, dolls, and fairies and anything a 7 year old little girl would find fascinating. All in green. She is in love with the color green, all shades, any variety. Her entire workspace is filled with all things verdant. It’s become like a museum piece because we all bring people over to see it. The stapler, paper clips, pencils, pens, cube clips, background to Microsoft Outlook are all shockingly in green. I think it’s fair to say she’s “somewhere out there” with a serious case of ADHD to boot.

She’s a very nice person, but will talk you to death, if you let her. And if there’s no one around to talk to, she’ll start a conversation with herself. Unfortunately, I feel that she’s in the wrong career. She needs to be OUT in the field talking to real people all the time, for the very fact that she’s always not doing her work and is striking up loud conversations with random people all the time. The cube-farm life is definitely not for her. I do like her, but she drives me crazy with her random and inopportune conversations. Favorite expression: “I thought so!”

3. Social Media Diva. Very high strung, mediocre worker. Her aim is to put out the least possible effort at work each day for three days or less. Most days will find her IM’ing, on Facebook, on Twitter, or doing Facetime. We have the capability of working from home, but she has taken this to a whole new level. For no less than 2 days per week, she calls in that she has to work from home that day. With no children and no known natural impediments, we just can’t understand why this happens each week. But when you send her an email, she never responds. Right now we’re placing bets on which days she’ll take off each week. I’ve won $10 so far!

4. Zen. This is Social Media Diva’s direct team lead. So she’s pretty much pissed every week when SMD calls in that she’s “working from home”, as she puts it. Zen never raises her voice, never gets angry. She is so calm, even when she’s annoyed. She drive me effin’ mad with her calmness, dammit! I tell her all the time: shout! Say something! But she won’t.  I’ve offered to shout at SMD for her but she won’t allow me to.

Tomorrow I shall continue with the rest of the cast of characters … so stay tuned….

Categories: humor, The Cube Farm, Workplace

Tagged as: co-workers, cubicles, employees, humor, office, office politics, workspace