Tales from the cube-farm: Ms. Malaprop

So you’ve previously met a few of my work companions in my last post.

Ms. Malaprop handles the marketing side of our projects. She is young and very eager to please, but she hasn’t worked in this field for very long and needs some guidance as she gains some experience.

Face 5As far as she’s concerned though, experience is for fools. She runs on ambition. Got 8 pints of ambition running through her veins, apparently, and sees herself in a few years in charge of the whole operation. Well, so she says. But ambition, while a remarkable trait, doesn’t count for diddly-squat in business if you’re not willing to learn from others. And she seems resistant to accepting the help of others.

Besides, someone needs to throw her a directory dentistry debilitatory dictionary. Her impulsive desire to impress and succeed leaves her using all the wrong chords fords words.

So, instead of simply saying: “We have put together a proposal for building the most workable schedule”, she says:

We have put together a preposition for building the most workable schedule.”

Her persistent use of the phrase “should of” instead of “should have” is driving me up the wall.

She once emailed the team and the rest of the company that she had “illuminated” a set of products from our listing and it took us all quite a while to realize that as that product line didn’t seem to be any brighter than usual, that she had possibly meant to say “eliminated.”

Several of us have actually privately pointed out to her the affinity she has for using these inappropriate words and phrases in her communications, but either she doesn’t seem to care too much about it and just waves them off as “minor spelling or grammatical errors” or feels that it’s not any of our business. But over time, you do begin to lose credulity creativity credibility if you continue to send out substandard correspondence.

Now marketing is her realm and she appears to be good at it, I suppose. But I am seriously irritated when she tries to insert herself into “my realm”, and it’s usually when she feels the need to assert the authority that she does not have.

My area is finance. Ever so often when she seeks the approval of her superiors, she feels the need to point out something she thinks is an error on one of my accounting schedules. Perhaps because of us showing her the malapropisms she uses, she may feel this is her way of showing us up. Except that this finger pointing is almost always done in the form of an email addressed to myself, copied to her manager and mine. Unfortunately for her, she is almost always wrong.

So for about half an hour one day last week, several emails flew between us as she tried to convince me (cc: her boss, cc: my boss) that the period 10/1/13 – 9/30/15 should be treated as 3 years. No, it’s not, I countered, it’s 2 years. After her third email on the subject when I could take no more, I painstakingly listed each month with a number next to it in my final attempt at convincing her that it was only 24 months, or 2 years, and if she needed further proof that she was to check the actual calendar. She never responded to my final email.

Now, as far I know, Ms. Malaprop is not uneducated and she’s not an idiot. I didn’t interview her for the position, but she speaks very confidently and I can see that type of personality impressing the interviewer. I also want to see more women in the organization in positions of authority, but she’s making it really hard for me to be one of her fans.

For all intensive purposes, she should of kept a dictionary at her side so it’s available whenever she feels the need to impress herself. But she seems to be unanimous in believing that no one notices she’s a repeat defender in her misappropriate use of the English language.

Oh, what I really meant to say was, for all intents and purposes, she should have learned to keep a dictionary at her side so it’s available whenever she feels the need to express herself. But she seems to be all alone in believing that no one notices she’s a repeat offender with her inappropriate use of the English language.

Just wanted to make sure you were paying attention. 🙂

Stay tuned for more Tales from the Cube-Farm….

Office Gossip

7 replies

  1. This is great stuff! They should of made a TV show on your office and not some paper company like Dunder Muffin. Love the way you describe these characters….really make them come to life. Looking forward to more of these!


    • Should of… aaarrgh!
      Thanks! I’ve got many more 🙂
      Oh by the way, I see how you’ve now linked your new website to the WP account so I can easily access the latest from Kimmy, Lester, et al from.my Reader. My thanks, sir!


  2. Hahahaha oh my gosh, seriously. The “intensive purposes” and “should of” KILL ME. Absolutely kill me. If I’m sitting in a meeting and someone drops one of these it’s like my mind just flies out of the conversation and goes to rest in the land of “I’m judging you.”


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