It has come to my attention that an unnervingly growing trend is beginning to take shape these days. I find the whole business quite bizarre, actually, and somewhat disturbing. And I can’t keep quiet about it any longer.
Just when I was seriously starting to question why it was that all the young men today were sporting full facial beards, I come across this nugget. Actually implanting hair from other parts of the body or from someone else’s body onto your face.
Are you people crazy? A beard transplant? Did I miss another culture phenomenon?
Why would you do that? Maybe if you’re a method actor really getting into your role and couldn’t grow one yourself?
But otherwise why undergo such a procedure? There is no shame in not having a beard. No children taunting you “Beardless! Beardless!” then throwing stones and then running away. (is there?)
I grew up in the seventies when, for a man, growing a beard was probably a huge deal. You know, “manly men” sported the look. A real man grew a real beard, you know:
For me, growing up in the land of the Rastafarians, a man with a beard was not a beautiful thing. As children, we were terrified of all bearded men. And it didn’t matter if he were a large and hairy half-giant telling me I had magical powers.
“Beard transplants are a valid operation for men who have follicularly challenged faces,” says Dr. Anthony Youn, a Michigan-based board-certified plastic surgeon.
Really? “Follicularly challenged faces?” I kept waiting for the punch line during my research, but alas, it never came. If you can’t grow a full facial fuzz, is that such a big problem that you’d spend thousands of dollars to correct it? Not to mention suffering the pain of having needles stuck into the tenderest skin on your body? By the way, I should mention that Dr. Youn also does eyelash and pubic hair transplants, if you’re interested.
Are we about to see a rash of hipsters on the scene, stroking their beards while spouting Latin or Greek and waxing philosophic? I wouldn’t mind so much, if they could grow the follicles themselves like our friends here. Surely these men would balk at the idea of shelling out 7 grand apiece for manes as luxuriant as these:
And of course these two would never dream of it! $7K could charter an Orc-free flight for 16 passengers to the MIsty Mountains and back, including in-flight meals and entertainment and all the pipe-weed one could smoke..
Modern day hipsters, come on, man! Part of the whole hipster experience is growing your own individual fuzzy-face, no matter how scruffy it looks. It’s supposed to look effortless. You’re not supposed to have an even and full beard, unless it naturally grows that way. Let’s face it: not being able to grow a beard is no reason to get a transplant procedure to your face. Come on, you’re letting the team down on this one.
Are you all with me? Or do you think beard transplants will become as popular as breast implants in a few years? Would any of you guys undergo a beard transplant?