My2¢: The New Hipster Epidemic

It has come to my attention that an unnervingly growing trend is beginning to take shape these days. I find the whole business quite bizarre, actually, and somewhat disturbing. And I can’t keep quiet about it any longer.

BEARD TRANSPLANTS.

Just when I was seriously starting to question why it was that all the young men today were sporting full facial beards, I come across this nugget. Actually implanting hair from other parts of the body or from someone else’s body onto your face.

Are you people crazy? A beard transplant? Did I miss another culture phenomenon?

Why would you do that? Maybe if you’re a method actor really getting into your role and couldn’t grow one yourself?

...and perhaps if you have a year to spare and they pay you lots of money.... Tom Hanks - Castaway (2000)

…perhaps if you had a year to spare and they paid you lots of money….
Tom Hanks – Castaway (2000)

But otherwise why undergo such a procedure? There is no shame in not having a beard. No children taunting you “Beardless! Beardless!” then throwing stones and then running away. (is there?)

I grew up in the seventies when, for a man, growing a beard was probably a huge deal. You know, “manly men” sported the look. A real man grew a real beard, you know:

Beard - Hagrid

For me, growing up in the land of the Rastafarians, a man with a beard was not a beautiful thing. As children, we were terrified of all bearded men. And it didn’t matter if he were a large and hairy half-giant telling me I had magical powers.

So, imagine my utter shock upon learning TODAY that several thousand men have already forked out up to $7000 for a beard transplant.

“Beard transplants are a valid operation for men who have follicularly challenged faces,” says Dr. Anthony Youn, a Michigan-based board-certified plastic surgeon.

Really? “Follicularly challenged faces?” I kept waiting for the punch line during my research, but alas, it never came. If you can’t grow a full facial fuzz, is that such a big problem that you’d spend thousands of dollars to correct it? Not to mention suffering the pain of having needles stuck into the tenderest skin on your body? By the way, I should mention that Dr. Youn also does eyelash and pubic hair transplants, if you’re interested.

This is the only reason for a beard transplant

This is the only reason for a beard transplant

Are we about to see a rash of hipsters on the scene, stroking their beards while spouting Latin or Greek and waxing philosophic? I wouldn’t mind so much, if they could grow the follicles themselves like our friends here. Surely these men would balk at the idea of shelling out 7 grand apiece for manes as luxuriant as these:

And of course these two would never dream of it! $7K could charter an Orc-free flight for 16 passengers to the MIsty Mountains and back, including in-flight meals and entertainment and all the pipe-weed one could smoke..

Gandalf and Radagast (The Hobbit) doing a bit of "reasoning". What's in that pipe anyway?

Gandalf and Radagast (The Hobbit) doing a bit of “reasoning”. What exactly is “pipe-weed” anyway?

Modern day hipsters, come on, man! Part of the whole hipster experience is growing your own individual fuzzy-face, no matter how scruffy it looks. It’s supposed to look effortless. You’re not supposed to have an even and full beard, unless it naturally grows that way. Let’s face it: not being able to grow a beard is no reason to get a transplant procedure to your face. Come on, you’re letting the team down on this one.

Are you all with me? Or do you think beard transplants will become as popular as breast implants in a few years? Would any of you guys undergo a beard transplant?

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10 replies

  1. Ugh…I hate to sound like a hippie here, but if you have enough money for a beard transplant, you really ought to send some cash to Africa…plus I’m totally with you: A beard looks great on Gandalf because the guy’s like 165 years old! I hope this trend doesn’t get out of hand, cause if all the guys in the world start growing or implanting beard, I’ll stop being gay;) I’ve always been thankful I didn’t grow up in the 60s and 70’s during which men tended to grow so much hair it looked like fur…let’s not get back to that!

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  2. Lmao
    This is such a “first world” problem. I guess I should stop asking how much more self centered and shallow can our society become, because maybe it sounds like a challenge. Also, men are having pubic hairs implanted?! Wtf!
    This has just gotten too crazy, even for me.

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  3. very funny! enjoyed reading this, not sure about all this Hipster sub-culture phase the world is going through! I suppose everything has its time , as men some of us have crossed the line between its cool to grow a beard versus growing a beard will turn me into an instant hunk of burning love? could be the difference between having pride in your appearance is very subtle nowadays!

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    • Thanks for reading my post 🙂 All these beards remind.me of the 70s! I’ve been battling with a young man at work to remove his beard. He’s so young and he looked so cute without it. Now he just looks scruffy. I’m losing the fight…

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