It is I, the Terrorizer, Saint Nick’s doppelganger, Krampus!
I know most of you have forgotten me, or just plain don’t know, but I have been terrifying little European children for centuries! While the kindly, old, white-bearded, red-suited “ho-ho-ho” is giving out nice presents to the good little boys and girls, I take great pleasure in doling out punishment to all the bad children!
Now they’ll know what a real demon is!
I love my job! There’s no opportunity for advancement and the hours suck, but the absolute joy I get from seeing abject terror on those sniveling mean and unruly faces when I appear on the eve of St. Nicholas, Krampusnacht, more than compensates for the lack of pay. I swat them with switches and chains before taking them back to my home you all know as “Hell”.
Look, I don’t want to be like this. I’d like to curl up in front of a warm fireplace with someone special, too. But these hell-fires don’t stoke themselves you know!
Do you think butterflies like having their wings ripped off? Did you really think that dropping that rock on your neighbor’s car “because you were bored” would go unpunished?? Ha! They don’t keep me here because I’m gorgeous!
I love my job!!
I gave fair warning last Christmas and it went unheeded. Families sent out postcards, but these kids paid no attention. Why should they? With their XBoxes, and iPhones, and iPads, and iWantEverything iSee. Navel-gazing spoiled brats!
I’m so bad-ass, even the Catholic Church tried to get rid of me 400 years ago and they just gave up! They decided to incorporate me into the winter celebrations with St. Nick and said “to hell with it!”
So whether you know me as Grampus, Klaubauf, or Schmutzli, the old devil’s back again this year, Europe. And I’m gonna be making a special trip to North America too! They’ve had it too good over there for far too long. I hear that those bad kids always get presents…what???
Suit up, Santa Claus! And this time you’re riding shotgun.
Categories: Winter Celebrations
Late~Night Ruminations 
You know, these are the kind of Christmas posts that make me feel all warm inside (could be hell fire, but it’s warmth all the same)
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Lol! I’m here to help! As long as it makes someone happy – even a beaver – my work is done 🙂
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As I’m typing this I’m not sure if I’m logged in as the beaver, the alien or myself…suffice it to say you made all three of us happy.
And since we’re on the subject of Christmas, have a merry one!
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Woohoo! A three in one! Merry Christmas to all 3 of you too 🙂
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Thank you!
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Um, this is terrifying! I saw someone else refer to “Krampus” today but had no clue what it/he was… once again, you teach me new things!
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See? Now you’ll be good and St. Nick will bring you all the prezzies…yaay! 🙂
I also read that some parents would get people to dress up as Krampus to scare their kids straight right before Christmas. Interesting concept. And the tradition lives on!
Thanks for stopping by. I’m here to spread the knowledge! 🙂
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Haha so we shouldn’t be too upset by the creepiness of the Elf on the Shelf I suppose!
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That Elf on the Shelf really does creep me out! 🙂
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Thanks for the Krampus post! I’ve always been fascinated by Krampus for some reason, and I’m not even of German decent of anything. It’s funny because some families still do stuff related to Krampus like putting shoes outside a week before christmas for a small gift, and don’t realize that it was originally supposed to be a shoe full of food for his Donkey. I even nearly bought Krampus cards this year, but figured nobody would get the reference…lol
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You’re very welcome! I saw some Krampus cards for sale at Amazon.com and I think I’m going to get some, just for the heck of it. Not handing them out to anyone….unless I have to… (insert evil laugh here!)
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I may eventually buy this as well, although holiday shirts aren’t my thing:
http://6dollarshirts.com/t-shirts/Merry-Krampus-T-Shirt-p-12207.html
You might enjoy that site, tons of nerd related shirts:P
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So cool! I’m not big on wearing character t-shirts but I like buying souvenirs 🙂
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My girlfriend Michele Witchipoo loves Krampus. Today she illustrated a Happy Krampus illustration which she posted on her blog:
http://witchesbrewpress.wordpress.com/2013/12/23/happy-krampus/
Nice likeness, don’t you think?
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It is! That will scare all the bad kids straight 🙂
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