Gruß vom Krampus!

It is I, the Terrorizer, Saint Nick’s doppelganger, Krampus!

I know most of you have forgotten me, or just plain don’t know, but I have been terrifying little European children for centuries! While the kindly, old, white-bearded, red-suited “ho-ho-ho” is giving out nice presents to the good little boys and girls, I take great pleasure in doling out punishment to all the bad children!

Now they’ll know what a real demon is!

krampus mitt kinder - Edited

I love my job! There’s no opportunity for advancement and the hours suck, but the absolute joy I get from seeing abject terror on those sniveling mean and unruly faces when I appear on the eve of St. Nicholas, Krampusnacht, more than compensates for the lack of pay. I swat them with switches and chains before taking them back to my home you all know as “Hell”.

Look, I don’t want to be like this. I’d like to curl up in front of a warm fireplace with someone special, too. But these hell-fires don’t stoke themselves you know!

Do you think butterflies like having their wings ripped off? Did you really think that dropping that rock on your neighbor’s car “because you were bored” would go unpunished?? Ha! They don’t keep me here because I’m gorgeous!

I love my job!!

I gave fair warning last Christmas and it went unheeded. Families sent out postcards, but these kids paid no attention. Why should they? With their XBoxes, and iPhones, and iPads, and iWantEverything iSee. Navel-gazing spoiled brats!

I’m so bad-ass, even the Catholic Church tried to get rid of me 400 years ago and they just gave up! They decided to incorporate me into the winter celebrations with St. Nick and said “to hell with it!”

So whether you know me as Grampus, Klaubauf, or Schmutzli, the old devil’s back again this year, Europe. And I’m gonna be making a special trip to North America too! They’ve had it too good over there for far too long. I hear that those bad kids always get presents…what???

Suit up, Santa Claus! And this time you’re riding shotgun.

Krampus und Santa

Advertisements

16 replies

  1. Thanks for the Krampus post! I’ve always been fascinated by Krampus for some reason, and I’m not even of German decent of anything. It’s funny because some families still do stuff related to Krampus like putting shoes outside a week before christmas for a small gift, and don’t realize that it was originally supposed to be a shoe full of food for his Donkey. I even nearly bought Krampus cards this year, but figured nobody would get the reference…lol

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s