There are many times when I wish I were still single and child-free, without the many responsibilities that accompany adulthood.
To erase the last 15 years of my life would signify returning to a period when I was reponsible for my actions alone, and not the precious lives of my two yet unborn children. I would have been able to travel freely, to involve myself in any career that I enjoyed, to live anywhere I chose, to be whomever I wanted to be. Sleeping late would be an option, not a dream.
If I were still child-free I would not have to worry about the futures of my children, whether they will find their someones to love them unconditionally, or choose the careers that’s best for them, or survive the emotional roller-coaster of life.
I would not need to concern myself with finding a home in a neighborhood with a “good” school system. It wouldn’t matter to me if my office were close to home in case of school closures and other child-related emergencies. Rent would be cheaper and I’d have more money. And snow days? Why would I care about that? Travel jobs, here I come!
But I can’t press an “undo” button and erase my past decisions. My life is what I have thoughtfully and carefully designed. Nothing here happened by accident.
In fact, I cannot imagine life without any of them. Believe me, I’ve tried. I expect my first grader to jump in our bed and wake us up every Sunday morning. I expect to be shouting at my middle school kid to “hurry up and brush your teeth” every school morning. I expect that every single evening when I get in from work that there will be a race to the front door, each child almost stumbling over the other, to hug and kiss me good evening and to ask me how was my day at work that day.
I take the good with the bad. The majority of people in this world do not have a perfect life. So even though I do wish sometimes that my life had taken a different turn, there’s no way I’d trade it in now for the single life I used to have.