Due to the high cost of daycare in the state in which I live, I had to encourage my parents to come and baby sit my children for two weeks of summer vacation. They happily accepted and I was only too happy to have them here.
However, for some reason, once they arrive, I evolve into some kind of horrible creature. I’m snapping at my mom for no good reason and everything she does seems to offend me.
This happens every time we get together for a visit. I am mature enough to realize that it really is I and not she who is the cause of my animosity. I just haven’t yet figured out how to get over it.
Last year, a weekend drive to Toronto, Canada almost came to expletives in the car on the return trip. After that I had to be asking myself what the heck was wrong with me? After all, I was the one who invited her.
Interestingly, I don’t seem to have a problem with my stepfather and my husband has no issue with either of them. It has even gotten to the point in which I leave my husband with my parents to deal with them, which he happily does. I think my mom senses it too, as she also asks him for help if she thinks I won’t help her.
The truth is that my mom can be quite annoying in her own way. Her husband is 15 years older than her and walks with a cane now, yet she’s shouting at him and hurrying him to get the hell across a busy street fast. That irritated me. It irritates me every time that she claims not to know what to do with my children because her own youngest child is in her 40s. It also irritates me when she starts yelling at the TV, telling the relevant damsel in distress how “stupid” she is . Repeatedly. In every show. Sigh.
However, finally, on the last day of her visits, I feel quite regretful and frankly quite ashamed of my behavior. She loves the grandchildren and they love her too. I like the fact that my parents are just three hours away by car and that they do care enough to come and visit. I hate myself for being unfriendly and irritated all the time.
I know I’m harboring some deep-seated resentment since childhood (and perhaps early adulthood) and I’m really trying to get over that because life is too short. We’re all getting older and soon the days will come when I will wish my mom was still with me. Besides, I know she’s not trying to annoy me on purpose.
Well, they’re leaving again in the morning and the guilt of my past behaviors will resume. What a cycle this is! I really need to seek help for this.